in need

This is not getting any easier. and all this is is a lot of uncertainty. because i know we are nothing and you care little. and i want you to have cared too much like another. but you are you and not some other. and i am in the same place i've always been. that is without you, the one who cares enough to call so late and talk all night. the one who holds my hand as we walk during the night. the one who is in search of experience and the thrill that there is. the one who will one day settle down for the completeness for joy for love.

when i waited up all night wondering if so and so was going to survive drinking so much, walking miles along the railroad tracks, all during a wind storm, i figure i don't mind the wild. i mind the not knowing. and i just wanted to be included but to go so long without your voice leaves me lost. my artist, genius, writer of good, lover of travel, my muse, my natas hope, my hope, my love.

i'm sitting here again in the same spot doing the same old thing, crying and waiting. i want to sleep forever. i neeed a cigarette. i need a new life.