what did i do? i let all your secrets out. i don't need any secrets. don't tell me, don't expect me to keep. i want everything to be upfront. i don't need to remember anything. i want to forget it all. i want to start again. i wish i had never met you. i wish you never existed. then maybe i could have done this my way. instead there is something, always something, standing in the way of my happiness.
these are self-created obstacles. i suffer from these miniature delusions of grandeur. i will always be in over my head. i will always feel like something revolves around me. this is my play of life is it not? i am the actor and you are my extras. you help me with satisfying my desire of you. i am an id engager. looking for pleasure. searching for a love. i love you all. i love you more. my genius. i found you. are we just and only friends? aren't we something more by now? delusions, see? i have nothing and want it all.
growing old alone. i don't want. losing a genius for a second time, i couldn't stand. but this time around i do not feel entitled. this time around i will take what i can get, hope for the best and brace for a fall.
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