man on the moon, forever mine.

i hate being alone. i think most people are like that. solidarity is a sobering event. you're by yourself doing whatever it is that you do and all you think about is 'why can't there be someone here right now, watching over me, making sure everything is okay?'

why can't there be someone here, watching over me, making sure everything is okay? well, because i am alone. i remember the second time i screwed up something important; i couldn't sleep by myself. so...at age 24 i slept with my mom. that's soooo weird. but i was afraid. i was afraid i wouldn't wake up in the morning, i was afraid that when i did wake up everything would be gone. i was upset all of the time and uncontrollably letting the evil take hold.

it's been over a year and i still feel this way. of course i let some parts of life get back to normal, like sleeping in my own bed....but it never got any easier. there's something out there, i know this for a fact. it's more like a fact of faith, yet still....

there is something out there that i know will be comfortable. i don't want it to be easy. i just want it to be right. i want to know that i can go to sleep at night and not worry about losing everything in the morning. it's some kind of faith in god that i'm looking for. i'm sick of being afraid. i want something to take the fear away. i want something to show me that it is in truth going to be fine.

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there was always a candle in the window, waiting for your return. i knew not to worry when you were out all night, even when the wind was blowing and you were walking the tracks. i knew that despite the alcohol and the drugs you were going to come home. i did not know that it was not going to last forever. i had put all my soul into you and it was twisted about. never again was i going to fall for such lies or truths. these stars were ours. our moon looked down on us in disbelief. we messed something up. but the gods gave us another chance. you walked down your path and i, mine. the stars have realigned and the moon has whispered in my ear. it is time yet again for you to go so far. and with these new obstacles will be a true test. no longer will it be easy. only now is it real. when you fall again, i will not spread out a blanket of earth to catch you. it will be up to you. extinguish that candle for it served a different purpose. go to sleep forever, undisturbed and you will find no fear. if you must wake to find some peace then take heed and wait. for soon this will all be yours.