with pretty much every moment that goes by, i think about you. i think about how i fucked it all up. then i think, there wasn't anything anyways. i don't understand why i feel this way at all. i just know that i've felt like this before and it's too much. what did i do wrong the first time? i believed. what did i do wrong the second time? i got attached. and i'd be okay knowing you were nearby but you're off serving the land you love without the curteousy to have let me known in advance...but who i am to them? maybe i didn't deserve their time. i was just a best friend, a lover, a depressed, whacked out crazy girl who doesn't have her emotions in check.
i always said you didn't have to work so hard....that i would pick up the slack.
it was my chance for you, you, you.
and i messed up.
and month after month it never gets any easier...
